Here we go again, The Bric is pissed.
I had a rather funny thing happen to me recently while riding along one of the local paved multi-use trails in town with my son. You need to know that he is well trained in the need to wear a helmet and will not get onto his bike without one. Anyways, he is clipping along on his push bike, having a blast, I'm riding slowly behind him, both of us with our trusty lids on. Along comes another rider from the opposite direction. I recognize him right away, he was my family doctor when I was a little kid. He is a well known local cyclist as well who use to ride from his home in Simcoe to his practice in the next town. He is not wearing a fucking helmet.
My son stops dead in his tracks, looks back at me, then at the doctor coming out way, points at him and says "Daddy, he no wearing no helmet on his head". The doctor hears this all go down and passes us with a nonchalant look on his face. I laugh a bit and reply "He sure don't". Then I start thinking about it. My two year old son knows more about protecting your brain than a fucking PhD holding emergency room doc. Aren't these the guys that should be promoting safety?
And just because you don't have a PhD does not mean that YOU get off either. Nothing steams me up more than watching mom/dad unit riding without a helmet with child unit. That kid is going to learn that it is ok to not wear your helmet. Put your fucking lid on!
The excuses, I hear them all the time. "It messes with my hair", "its hot", "waaa waaa waaa". I'll take a bad hair day over eating all my meals through a straw the rest of my life. At least your hair will look good while you breathe with the assistance of an artificial respirator plugged into your neck.
Here are a few facts taken from the helmets.org website to get your juices flowing.
NO FUCKING EXCUSES! Wear your helmet, teach your kids helmet safety, set an example. Don't want to wear a helmet? Sounds about as smart as trying to stop a moving train with your best Superman pose.
I suppose I shouldn't get so worked up over it though. If you don't have two brain cells to spark together to heat up enough intelligent though to actually put a helmet on, chances are there is nothing in your empty void of a skull cavity worth protecting. Another form of natural selection I guess.
Let face it. When cycling, snot happens. Some people produce more than others but either way it needs to be taken care of before you're sporting a gooey green mustache while shredding singletrack. I produce more of it than others it seems and have came up with a list of 3 ways of effectively expelling it from your face holes.
Reading about snot might be a bit disgusting, but at least you're not reading any regurgitated horse shit from Mountain Bike Action or that hipster self entitlement bullshit in Bicycle Times.
So breathe easy and keep from having a crusty green fu-manchu by using these fine cycling tips.
June is here. Nice weather, good rides, family time, and my baby girl will be a year old in two weeks. Exciting times. First ride of June was at Turkey Point, as most of my rides are. Rode the park trails, out to the Anderson Tract, checked out the new dump trails, and back into the park for more riding. It was a good day, trails all to myself. Not another soul to be seen.
It was nice seeing the new sign posts with logos and names of the various club sponsors. I tip my hat to these guys, thanks for the donations.
I was pretty pissed to see that some asshat took it upon themselves to "improve" the club signage. I hope this jerk gets caught, and they had better hope its not by me, I don't play well with assholes. I mean, who the fuck thinks its a good idea to take a marker to these wonderful signs and fuck them all up. If I find you Mr. Vandal, I will take your damn marker to your face to "improve" it. I hope you slip and run your fingers through a fucking table saw.
Anyways, back to the riding. It was good, I had fun. The rain we had over the weekend sure tacked up the trails nicely, alot less dust too.
Anyways, its nice out and its time to go do something fun with the family. Now go outside and enjoy June!
The amount of riding I've done in April this year has been pretty sad. Lots of crap going on has prevented me from getting in the usual miles I have by now. From lots of snow on the trails early in the month, to injury, to a head cold, and now a stomach flu, I've only managed a few rides. May is around the corner and hopefully goes a little better for me and I can push the reset button on my failed attempt to ride to work a few times a week.
I've been itching to do the Substance Projects half-marathon series this year after a fun go last year at the Long Sock Classic, but I think I`ll be biting off a bit too much to chew if I go for the 37km half-marathon on May 16th.... its only just over two weeks away. Oh well, perhaps I'll try a few other races later in the season. I like the sounds of the Singletrack Challenge at Hardwood Hills in Sept.
WARNING: Language and my sometimes offsetting sense of humor abound ahead. You have been warned.
Trail Etiquette, some riders have it and some don't. It can be hard to decipher the grey area that it is as there are no written rules of the trail so to speak. I usually forgive the errors of mountain bike noobs, everyone had to start somewhere and some have more to learn than others. Hopefully someone finds this article a little enlightening and learns a bit from it, although I am no expert. These tips come from my 16 years as a mountain biker and are by no means "in stone", also keep in mind there will be some sarcasm.
1) Right of Way
Who has the right of way on the trail?
2)Know when to get off the trail
When should I get off the trail?
What etiquette should I observe when riding in a group?
4) Being Prepared
What do I bring along?
5) Don't be an Asshole
How do I keep myself from going to the Dark Side?
6) Become an ambassador of the sport
How can I do my part in showing people that mountain bikers are great people enjoying a great sport?
Nothing ruins a good ride in the woods quite like a nice piece of trash strategically placed along the trail by the shithead knuckle dragger who couldn't be bothered to pack it out. I see it all too much, trash in the woods that could be so easily kept out of it. Some of the worst offenders around here are coffee cups from Tim Horton's. I see it play out in my head... some asshole strolling along the trail with their extra large double double dickweed special, finishing it off then thinking to themselves "f*ck it" while they causally toss it into the bushes. Out of sight out of mind right? Well f*ck you Mr. Litterbug. Nothing says 'piss on mother nature' as nicely as your lazy ass firing off your crap into the woods. I really hope you get struck by lightning or a tree falls on your head.
I live by the motto 'pack out what you pack in', meaning take your trash back out with you. This is especially true with spare tubes. I see them tossed along the trail too. WTF is with that? You brought a spare with you in your pack / seat bag / jersey pocket, why can't you take your punctured tube back out? I've picked up quite a few of these and patched them myself and used them as spares / given them away to riders in need of a tube along the trail. I try to collect a bit of garbage each ride out too.
I don't get pissed about trash in the bush only either. Just a few days ago I watched a Supreme-Douche-Wad empty the contents of their vehicle ash tray while stopped at a traffic light. The idea of getting out of my vehicle, dragging the shithead out their door and making them eat the cigarette butts off the pavement was appealing at first although the thought passed after I realized that it would not end well for either party and in their eyes I would be an asshole.
Another good one in my town in particular is the scoping of dog shit into a baggie, then tossing the baggie off into the woods. Really? Why not just take a stick and flick it off the trail then? Don't want to carry dog shit? Don't own a dog!
I'm convinced that some people would eventually drown in their own garbage and filth rather than take the effort to put trash in its place. Ever seen the show Hoarding: Buried Alive?
So you have all been given fair warning, if you litter on the trail, The Bric is coming for you. I'll be carrying a claw hammer and galvanized nails to permanently attach your trash to your hands.
Turns out that the Lefty Max I picked up has a bit of a problem. The seal kit for it is readily available but Cannondale stopped making the springs for this fork and I need a heavier spring. I searched the internet and eBay high and low to no avail.
Looks like my only option will be a PBR damper upgrade to the soloair system. Which is pretty bad ass, as the work will function just like a brand new one off the shop floor, but the damper setup is over $300 for all the needed parts. Ouch. Still cheaper by far than a brand new lefty I guess. Seems like my "Ultimate Trail Bike" is being stalled right now on all fronts.
Anyhow, vening over. I'm going for a ride.
Trail Sanitization - when someone removes a technical natural feature in order to dumb the terrain down to their skill level.
Recently some Dudley-Do-Right-Dickweed decided it would be a great idea to remove a feature on a trail that is local to me and I ride very frequently. The feature was the toughest spot on this particular trail, a root that stuck out quite far at the top of a small down-and-up gully. It was one of the few challenges in this trail system that tested my metal each time. The removal of this feature has dumbed down this trail considerably.
I'm sure the person responsible was a newer rider who lacked the skill to make it over the feature and in their mind they did everyone a favour by removing it. Bottom line is, that if you can't ride a section / feature, it does not mean that everyone cannot ride it. Removing the feature is a selfish act, and you will never become a better ride if you bring the trail down to your level. The proper way to approach the obstacle in question is to give it a try, if you screw it up or don't have the confidence to ride it then walk the f*cking bike. This is mountain biking, its not meant to be a nascar track in the woods. There are roots, and rocks. Get use to it. Sack up and ride like a man (or woman) and don't be a dickwad by hacking out the good stuff. If your looking for a smooth ride that is devoid of technical challenge then maybe a rail-trail is what your really looking for (FYI: I've got nothing against rail-trails, I love them) and you could trade in that 6" travel full suspension carbon fiber mountain bike for a nice hybrid, you can even get a cup holder to keep your Tim's cup front and center.
I get it Mr. Sanitizer, you're new, don't have mad skills, you don't know its a faux pas to hack apart a trail. No problem. But know this..... if I catch you out there, I'll cut your f*cking hands off with that saw your working that log with. And for everyone else, don't be a sanitizer.
The Bric...._ mountain biker, road rider, heavyweight gear abuser. Built like a brick sh*thouse. No bike is safe.